Benefield: Who gets to decide who is worthy of our charity?

Darryl Talley’s story got to me, until it didn’t. It didn’t because it’s a story of a guy who has fallen on hard times, but the fall was anything but straightforward or straight down. It tugged at my heartstrings but pushed me away; made me judge the guy until I turned that focus a little closer to home.

I was pulled in by Tim Graham of the Buffalo News’s story of the ex-NFL great who has fallen into financial, physical and emotional woes that he blamed on his years of playing football.

My first take on Talley’s situation, 54, was to feel sorry for him. But when I read that a die-hard Buffalo Bills fan had set up a public fundraising site for the former millionaire football player and that thousands of people were donating, that’s when I thought, “I’m heartless,” because I was incredulous. Why are these people ponying up for a guy who had so many more resources than your average hard-luck case? A guy who in most cases I’m sure had more resources than the donors themselves?

The “Circle the Wagons for Darryl Talley” fund generated more than $150,000 from nearly 3,400 donors as of Friday afternoon. Aren’t there more worthy recipients? Aren’t there people who are truly needy? This guy played football, he didn’t work in a mine, right?

Talley was paid a lot of money to play football and he played it well. So well, he’s now physically suffering. He also told Graham his mind is going and he has suicidal thoughts, a condition he blames on chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative brain disease caused by repeated trauma that can only be diagnosed in an autopsy but which has been blamed in the deaths of a number of football players.

Like many others in this economy, Talley lost his business in 2008. His home was foreclosed upon, and, like others, he now begrudgingly relies on friends to help his family financially because he says his body and mind are too damaged by years in a Bills uniform to work. Talley’s friends are former NFLers with means. Talley now rents a home in a gated community in Orlando. He receives the NFL’s $39,000-a-year disability income instead of $120,000 after league officials said he didn’t fill the paperwork out properly.

Talley lays the blame of his circumstances at the feet of the Bills and the NFL for washing their hands of ex-players and taking no responsibility for their lifelong injuries and ailments.

That I get. The NFL has become a billion-dollar bully on a lot of fronts.

But still, it didn’t all add up for me. My sympathy for Talley turned to condemnation mixed with a touch of guilt for feeling that way. His story was sad, but this guy was paid a lot of money to play a game. He was celebrated by thousands of fans every Sunday. He hit people hard because that’s what he signed on to do, but it’s also what he loved to do.

You know what I also felt? Culpable. I watch football. Truth be told, the NFL has fallen off dramatically for me and I would much rather watch the Golden Bears than the Chicago Bears, but that’s still football. It’s hits. It’s human damage and the league and the sport’s story is getting increasingly distressing. And still I watch. Still I cheer. I’m part of the problem for players like Darryl Talley, who says he can’t sit for more than a few minutes straight. He can’t stand for much longer. If Darryl Talley can’t work, did I play a role?

But the thought remained: Talley doesn’t need like others in need. That the people giving to Talley should give to something, somebody more worthy.

So I asked people who would know better than I about need and about worthiness. And I was a little surprised by what I heard.

“I would absolutely never condemn someone who fell on hard times regardless of how far they fell,” said Mike Johnson, CEO of Petaluma’s Committee on the Shelterless. “You can’t really judge that way with human beings. It’s not really fair when you think about it.”

“Maybe he doesn’t need it as badly as some others do, but I wouldn’t want to be the person to make that judgment,” he said.

“But I do wish there was as much sympathy among the public for people who are viewed as broken or people who are stigmatized with mental illness,” he said. “I wish there was the same outpouring of support for them. I guess that would be my only criticism.”

The family homeless shelter run by Catholic Charities houses 58 families and has a waiting list. The average age of residents is 12 years old. Remember, Talley’s neighborhood has a gate and palm trees.

But still, Jennielynn Holmes, director of shelter and housing for Catholic Charities, said it’s nearly impossible and often misguided to judge need. She won’t do it.

“Anybody who is in need deserves a helping hand. It’s economies of scale. With $150,000 we can offer a massive program to help a couple hundred people,” she said.

“I would hope that the generosity continues past this one person,” she said. “For every one of him, there are about 5,000 or 10,000 more behind him that are also in need.”

The urgency with which some gave to Talley also was confounding. Ask any school volunteer who has held a walk-a-thon how hard it is to raise a couple thousand dollars and the speed with which fans were emptying their wallets for Talley will astound.

On Friday, Social Advocates for Youth held its annual Dream Walk in downtown Santa Rosa to highlight the homeless youth problem and let people feel how cold the night air can be when you have no home in which to warm up. The event is months in the making and will generate some awareness and some funds.

Meantime, Talley’s fundraising site has gone viral.

The $150,000 headed Talley’s way would house 75 local homeless teens for a year and then some.

But SAY executive director Matt Martin said it would be hypocritical of him to judge either a man’s level of need or the person who decides to give.

“I don’t think I’m the one to judge whether any giving is good or bad,” he said. “Not knowing Darryl Talley’s story since he left the league, and to be quite frank, many of the youth we help and serve, I don’t know them at all. I don’t know all their stories, but we still help them and we still help their families.”

“It’s up to the giver whether they are going to essentially invest in a given call for help,” he said.

The donors on Talley’s funding site say things like “You Buffalo Bills brought so much to my childhood,” and “Nobody is putting themselves into a hardship with their donations and we look at this as an opportunity to give to someone who gave us so much joy and so many wonderful memories.”

Their comments are heartening, in a strange way.

I’m not going to give to Darryl Talley’s fund but neither am I going to judge him for accepting help or condemn those who choose to give. The same can’t be said for how I’ll feel about myself the next time I sit down to watch an NFL game.

You can reach staff columnist Kerry Benefield at 526-8671 or kerry.benefield@pressdemocrat.com and on Twitter @benefield