Lowell Cohn: 49ers coach has reason to be chipper

Let’s look back at the 49ers’ loss to Houston the other night. Not look back at the game, a done deal. Let’s look back at the coach. Chip Kelly. The Chipster.

I know nothing about him mostly because he doesn’t want to be known. His prerogative. I know he’s businesslike and impersonal. Except he wasn’t after the first exhibition game. This is what he did.

He hustled into the auditorium at the stadium, hustled onto the stage, hustled behind the lectern and, before he took questions or commented on his team’s play, such as it was, he grabbed a bottle of water or athletic drink - who cares - held it in his hand, studied it, then looked at the assembled camera people and asked if they could get a good shot of it.

Most coaches perform their postgame ritual with a bottle of liquid in the frame - it’s advertising of some sort. There’s money to be made in everything. So Kelly was having fun with the idea of being in a commercial and he was woofing on the camera people and showing the media he’s a regular guy. Which he isn’t.

The joke wasn’t a laugh riot. In fact, it wasn’t funny, not Woody Allen in, say, “Play it Again, Sam.” But it was a worthwhile attempt by smiling Chip.

He wasn’t done yet. One reporter asked Chip for the injury report, a standard leadoff question after every game. The Butcher would give the injury report first thing. Didn’t need to be asked. Not Kelly. He said he didn’t swing by the trainer’s room, so eager was he to meet the media.

Humor with a touch of irony bordering on sarcasm. Nervous titters by media who didn’t know how to take Kelly. The joke wasn’t funny, not the Marx Brothers in, say, “Animal Crackers.” But it was a worthwhile attempt by smiling Chip.

Me, I made a note in my pad. “This man feels extremely comfortable.”

I wondered why Kelly felt extremely comfortable. He lost the game. He has a bad team - sorry, you true believers.

Bill Walsh, George Seifert, Steve Mariucci and Jim Harbaugh were never what you’d call comfortable after a game, even an exhibition game. So much to evaluate, so much to decide, so much to do.

Yet here was Kelly, the life of the party. You expected Kelly to pour himself a beer right there on the stage - or drink the mysterious liquid - and start swapping Oregon stories. Whatever an Oregon story is.

I wrote an email to one of my guys. An NFL insider. Leave it at that. Asking why Kelly was so jovial, puzzling to me. This is what he wrote back:

“Lowell - If I were Kelly and had his contract, I, too, would be jovial after the game. Sure, there were a couple of bright spots on which I don’t need to enumerate because you were there for the live action.

“However, Kelly had to have a feeling of relief of lowered expectations for wins this season after watching the performances of his QBs because out there in the open for the world to see was a rather dismal showing, thereby significantly dampening any expectations for a decent record.

“In the second half of the Dallas game, Sean Mannion of the Rams looked like a world beater against the Cowboys compared to Gabbert, Thad Lewis and Jeff Driskel.

“In fact, the first half of that game, Cowboys rookie QB Dak Prescott’s performance was an execution of a game plan to perfection when compared to the Niner QBs.

“On the other hand, I’m sure you remember what Bill Walsh did with the passing game his first season with Steve DeBerg and that cast of misfits. Even though he won only 2 games, the passing game and its achievements served notice of what was to come once Bill got some talent.

“I don’t think the sophistication is there in the design of the passing game, although an improved accuracy by the QBs definitely would not hurt. Based on the first string’s play, 4 wins would be about right, although the secondary played better than I expected.

“Of course, next week is another week against a new opponent and strides will be made.”

OK, let’s return to jovial, smiling Chip. According to my correspondent, Kelly was happy, celebrating, relaxed because all expectations were finally and officially over with. Removed. Done. Kelly had seen Blaine Gabbert in a game - no big deal. And although Kelly had not seen Colin Kaepernick in a game, is yet to see Kaepernick in a game, Kelly knows what he has with that guy.

Feeling of relief for Chip Kelly.

Not saying Kelly wants to lose. Of course not. But he just got a grace period of one season, probably two seasons during which he can get a real quarterback, develop his offense, build his defense. Make a real team in his own image. I’m surprised he didn’t do the Charleston right there on the stage. Or the Lindy Hop. Never has so little been expected of a coach.

Thank you, Lord.

What was it about Gabbert that left my correspondent so utterly unimpressed? Get a load of this:

“My thoughts about the QB derby. As I was watching the performance of Gabbert, I was thinking how he was squandering an opportunity to seal the deal to be the starting QB.

“He had an excellent opportunity to make very easy throws early in the game, but mechanically did not function. Montana and Young made those throws in their sleep. Maybe (Steve) Bono, DeBerg, (Guy) Benjamin and a few others also could have completed those cream puff flares.

“Opportunity squandered, but, bottom line, he is what he is! CK is still alive.”

CK being Kaepernick. Meaning Kaepernick is alive if his arm isn’t permanently dead. Kaepernick stays in the competition as long as Gabbert can’t even do the basics. Those early passes were cinch passes, easy completions. Called to get Gabbert going. Put him in the flow. But he flopped.

And Kelly saw him flop. And Kelly knew Gabbert is a flop. And that gives Kelly time. And that put one big fat smile on Chip Kelly’s face.

For more on the world of sports in general and the Bay Area in particular, go to the Cohn Zohn at cohn.blogs.pressdemocrat.com. You can reach staff columnist Lowell Cohn at lowell.cohn@pressdemocrat.com.