Straight Talk: The pesky holiday problem of drunken parents

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My sister and I dread, rather than enjoy, family gatherings. Political and religious arguments ruin them, especially when the adults have too much to drink, as they usually do. My parents are as bad as the others. If we go to our room to escape the conflict, we get yelled at for being “antisocial” and ignoring our relatives. At a relative’s house, there’s no escape. I don’t see why they can’t just get together and enjoy everyone’s company. Too much alcohol is a big part of the problem. -Tina, 16, Sacramento

Brandon, 22, Mapleton, Maine: I’ve noticed that alcoholic parents don’t wake up about being alcoholic until someone outside their life calls them an alcoholic. From what you’ve described, they seem like alcoholics . I’ve had friends and family members in this situation. I hope your parents become embarrassed about ruining a gathering meant for family. I urge anyone living the alcohol-fueled Christmas blues to show the offenders this article. If you don’t speak up, nobody will. You may be happily surprised at the results. Folks, keep inappropriate alcohol use out of family gatherings. It’s disgusting and traumatizes kids. If you need to get drunk to have fun on the holidays, you’re not living life right.

Breele, 20, Dana Point: Your parents have created precisely the situation they warn about. They say if a situation is making you uncomfortable, remove yourself. That’s exactly what I would do. Sit them down a couple of days before the occasion when they’re sober, and let them know if they start getting into it, you and your sister are going to stay with friends. Arrange for a responsible friend to come get you if it happens. I’d do this even if they get upset. Their behavior is unacceptable.

Christina, 22, Marysville: Bring your concerns to your parents ahead of time and see if they have suggestions. They may be unaware. Perhaps there’s a separate room you and others can play board games or other bonding activities.

Gregg, 23, Houston, Texas: Parents: You’re in front of your family. It’s never appropriate to be drunk. Maybe tipsy, but not drunk! There’s alcohol at my family’s gatherings, but everyone is appropriate to the point that one year I embarrassed myself by drinking too much. It’s not the time and place. Tina, my dad always says if a situation makes you uncomfortable, leave, but since it’s family, I’d try to change things. Talk to your parents in advance. If there’s no change, speak up with, “Can we not argue about this on Christmas? Why don’t we share family stories instead?”

Maddie, 15, Cotati: My parents are the worst drinkers (i.e., total lightweights) and hardly drink. When religion or politics come up, it usually turns into a philosophical discussion, which, truthfully, is boring. Your situation, where parents choose to throw away a perfectly good family gathering, is not uncommon. Try steering the conversation away from religion or politics by actively contributing to the conversation. If that doesn’t work, find your sister or a family member who isn’t taking part and talk to them elsewhere.

DEAR TINA: I grew up with alcohol-fueled “holidays from hell” myself. I hope today’s column does embarrass some folks to change their behavior. I also like the panelists’ ideas for coping. But don’t despair if you can’t changethem. The best you may be able to do is decide (as I did) that YOUR adult life will NOT look like this. -Lauren

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