Dear Abby: Husband’s fantasies have opposite effect for wife

Dear Abby: I have been married 30 years. Our marriage has been a happy one. My husband supports me through everything. Our problems come up in the bedroom. A few years ago, he wanted to add “spice” to our relationship with a threesome. I agreed to try it if it would make him happy.

Now every time we make love he wants to talk about another man being in our bed. I have tried explaining that I do not enjoy this all the time. It has reached the point that I no longer get turned on. He can start out beautifully. I am turned on and we start. Then he wants me to talk to him about another man being there, and I shut down. When I try to explain it to him, he gets angry or frustrated.

How do I keep my marriage going without losing my husband to a younger woman, and add some spice to my marriage bed without talking about threesomes?

— Lost and Frustrated

Dear Lost and Frustrated: If ever I heard about a couple who need to talk to a licensed marriage and family therapist, it’s the two of you.

Dear Abby: My husband’s parents treat our two daughters very differently. My oldest is bright and talkative, and she’s treated with love and kindness from both of them. They bring her gifts for holidays and birthdays and make time to be with her. Our younger daughter has multiple disabilities. She is nonverbal and requires help in all areas. My in-laws act as if she doesn’t exist. They never interact with her and never buy her gifts.

They claim to be religious people, but I find their behavior toward our younger child to be completely devoid of love or kindness — the opposite of what their religion teaches. It’s distressing.

We have mentioned the inequality before, to no avail. In fact, they never even responded. What should we do?

— Mom of Two in Ohio

Dear Mom of Two: You do not have to sit by and helplessly tolerate your younger daughter being treated the way she has been. So you and your husband should TELL them that if they want to continue seeing their grandchildren, they will show more consideration to the younger one, or else it won’t happen.