Family of man found dead at Napa Home Depot hopes for answers

Janet Kaufman recalled the last time she talked to her son Alexander Kaufman Adza. It was a year ago, and Alexander was homeless in Santa Cruz.

It was a tough conversation.

Kaufman and her husband Tom Adza told their son that they would not continue providing him with grocery gift cards.

As painful as it was, "I knew it was the right thing to do," she said.

"It was just enabling him." They figured Alexander would either sell or barter the cards for drugs.

Alexander didn't react angrily. He didn't lash out.

He simply said, "OK," she remembered. Even though he suffered from PTSD, mental health issues and drug addiction, Alexander was a sweet and gentle man, the kind of person "who always said please and thank you," she said.

Kaufman had no way of knowing it was the last time she'd speak to her son.

On Nov. 23, Alexander was found dead amidst the plants and trees in the nursery department at Napa's Home Depot store. He was 32 years old.

"We are devastated," said Kaufman. "We are heartsick, in shock, and the waves of pain and loss seem never-ending."

This past Monday, Kaufman, and Adza drove to Napa from their home in the East Bay. They wanted to see where their son was found. They hoped to talk to anyone who knew or had seen Alexander.

His death has left them with many unanswered questions.

For one thing, how did Alexander end up in Napa, Kaufman wondered. What was his mental state? Was he alone?

"I would love to get some idea of where he might have lived, what his health condition was, whether or not he was psychotic, whether he formed any relationships with people (or) whether he expressed any desire to kill himself?" said his mother. Was he dirty, or groomed? Was he coherent? Did he have a tent or any belongings?

On Monday, their first stop was at Napa's Home Depot to see exactly where Alexander's body was found. A store manager and staff members greeted them and expressed their sympathies.

"The people at Home Depot were so kind," said Kaufman. They presented the couple with a poinsettia plant, water and tissues.

Because Alexander loved plants and trees, his parents think that he perhaps "chose" that spot to spend his final hours. The young man earned a degree in plant biology in 2015 from Evergreen College in Olympia, Wash.

Did you see or meet Alexander?

The Kaufman-Adza family would like to talk to anyone who met or saw Alexander. He sometimes went by Alex, Zander or Z. Contact: jhuffman@napanews.com

Autopsy results haven't yet been released, but they wonder if Alexander purposely decided to overdose that night.

"I think that he didn't want to live for drugs anymore," said his mother.

It was a life that had changed dramatically from his youth — growing up in a middle-class suburb in the East Bay.

"He was a beautiful child and a gentle soul," Kaufman said. "He was such a sweet, outgoing child that people were drawn to. He never said no to any activity, play date or sport. He wanted to do it all."

Alexander also excelled academically. "He had no difficulty getting A's in school," she recalled.

But Alexander had been hiding a devastating secret.

"He told us he had been sexually abused at a sleep-away camp when he was 12," said Kaufman. He was also sexually abused by a trusted adult.

"He started retreating into quite a dark place when he was a teenager," she recalled. "I thought some of it was just being a teenager. But his friends changed, and he was hanging out with more troubled kids, and he started experimenting with drugs." He was depressed, she said.

By his senior year, Alexander overdosed for the first time. He entered rehab and other programs but wasn't able to maintain his sobriety.

"We tried everything imaginable to get him help," including rehab, mental health treatment centers, group homes, and sober houses. "He didn't want to choose that path."

By his early 20s, "We believe he used hallucinogenics to the point where it pushed him into psychotic episodes, and he began to express the negative attributes of schizophrenia."

"Within the last few years, it was the nitrous oxide use that really destroyed his brain," she said. "He chose drugs to disassociate from his pain. The more he did it, the more he disappeared from reality."

The only way to "follow" him in Santa Cruz and other cities was by checking the arrest records. Alexander was cited for violations such as being intoxicated in public, possession of drug paraphernalia, trespassing and minor vandalism.

"About four months ago, I saw his most recent arrest was in Napa," she said. She has no idea of how or why he got to Napa.

The news of their son's death is horrible and shocking, yet "As a parent, we've been bracing ourselves," for this possibility, said Kaufman. "We almost felt like we'd be going through this roller coaster of uncertainty ... for the rest of our lives."

"We knew we had lost him."

Kaufman knows that most people look down on those who are homeless. However that seemingly anonymous homeless person is someone's son, brother, friend or companion, she noted. And a member of the Napa community.

When she sees a homeless person, especially someone around Alexander's age, "It breaks my heart. I look at them, and I see my son."

"I miss him so much, but what I miss so much is the little boy that was there before the damage of this drug use."

The couple plans to view Alexander's body one last time before he's cremated.

"We want to see him," she said. "We want to see that our boy is really gone."

You can reach reporter Jennifer Huffman at 256-2218 or jhuffman@napanews.com