Remembering Phyllis Gurney, 1945-2022

Phyllis Gurney, longtime Sonoma teacher, fitness instructor and community philanthropist, died Jan. 22 following a recent cancer diagnosis. She was 76.

Friends and family remembered her this week for her fierce spirit and compassionate humanity.

“She left an impact on our community and our hearts in some of the most charming, disarming and lovable ways,” longtime friend Marcia Nelson wrote of her in tribute.

Ken Tacke, a friend for nearly four decades, described her as “organized and take-charge.” “She tended to be the voice of reason in our group,” he said.

Bill Lynch recalled meeting Gurney when she was teaching a jazz exercise class at the Sonoma Community Center and immediately got the sense that she “never did anything halfway.”

“Her indomitable attitude about life in general made her a delightful companion and friend,” said Lynch, the former longtime publisher of the Index-Tribune. “She was a kind and true friend and Sonoma Valley is a better place because Phyllis Gurney was here.”

Phyllis was born to Edith and Eric Thompson in San Francisco in 1945 and spent her entire childhood in the City by the Bay. She graduated from Lincoln High School in 1963 and went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in biology and her teaching credential from San Francisco State University.

Phyllis was teaching science at Oceana High School in Pacifica in 1978 when she was introduced to a local police officer conducting student outreach at the campus.

That officer, her future husband John Gurney, described their original “meet cute”:

“I was wearing Wellington boots,” recalled John, referencing the footwear associated with equestrians. “She saw the boots and thought I had a horse — that got her attention.”

He asked her out for a drink. She said she preferred dessert, and their first date was at Just Desserts in San Francisco. Three months later, their dessert was a touch bigger — a wedding cake. Having only known each other a short while, on Aug. 8, 1978, Phyllis and John Gurney embarked on their 43-year marriage and life together.

“We clicked very well,” said John, in understatement.

The couple moved to Sonoma in 1993, when John took the reins as the city’s chief of police.

“As a native San Franciscan, she didn’t move frequently, so for her to come up here it was pretty big move,” John conceded. “But she loved it and never looked back.” He said they were “just beautifully accepted into the community.”

Phyllis initially found work in Sonoma as a long-term sub at Sonoma Valley High School, but when science teacher Louann Carlomagno was going on maternity leave — that “temporary” position turned into a seven-year teaching stint at the high school.

Nelson called her “a consummate teacher and an original ‘influencer.’”

Former student and longtime friend Mark Kimmey described her as nothing less than a “mentor” to him and his classmates.

“She had this great ability to talk to us and communicate without all of the stodgy academia aura,” said Kimmey, who remained friends with her after graduating from Oceana High in 1978. “I talked to a lot of people (following her death) and they were like, ‘Wow, she was the reason I went into nursing, or medicine … ’”

Summed Kimmey: “Phyllis Gurney had an impact.”

Phyllis’s impact on others extended beyond her students into the broader community. Over the years she became a passionate supporter of multiple nonprofits throughout the Sonoma Valley — the Sonoma Valley Hospital Foundation, La Luz Center, Pets Lifeline, the Snow Leopard Conservancy, Lyon Ranch and the Sebastiani Theatre — but a few of the organizations that benefited from her unwavering dedication.

Rivaling Phyllis’s love of teaching and philanthropy was her passion for physical fitness. A longtime jazzercize instructor, about 10 years ago, she and John earned certifications to coach indoor cycling and began leading classes at ParkPoint Health Club. “She built a great following,” said John. “You had to fight to get into her classes.”

John said she continued leading fitness classes throughout 2021, “even as her (physical) difficulties were emerging.” He said she’d led a class as recently as the first week of January.

Those “difficulties” first revealed themselves in recent months as increasing pain and numbness in her left side, John told the Index-Tribune. They initially thought it was a pinched nerve.

But on Jan. 6, doctors conducted an MRI on her brain “and they discovered a tumor,” he said. The next several days were a blur of trips to and from Marin General Hospital and UCSF med center for brain mapping and more MRIs. On Jan. 13, surgery was conducted to remove the tumor. But, according to John, “she came out worse than when she went in,” had lost the use of her left arm and leg and was in a considerable amount of pain and discomfort. She was facing five weeks of daily radiation followed by six months of chemotherapy. The longevity prognosis was 18 to 24 months.

“Phyllis, being a pragmatic, rational woman, she did the math,” said John. “If she couldn’t have a good quality of life, she didn’t want any part of it.”

The couple had discussed end-of-life decisions in the past, so when Phyllis raised a question about the end-of-life protocol, John wasn’t surprised. The California End of Life Option, a state law in effect since 2016, allows a terminally ill patient to self-administer aid-in-dying medication with the consent of their physicians. ”There was no wavering whatsoever,” John said of Phyllis’s decision. “So we went down that path.”

On Jan. 20, Phyllis was moved to a care facility in Sonoma where she spent the next two days under hospice care. On the morning of Saturday, Jan. 22, she self-administered the protocol. Phyllis Gurney died “very peacefully” at 10:10 a.m.

Phyllis Gurney always knew what she wanted, even at the end of her life, wrote Marcia Nelson – for the 49ers to win, to end the day with a good game of Rummikub, and to enjoy “a simple dinner, always chocolate and reading by the fire with John.”

“Phyllis died as she lived,” said Nelson. “With grit, determination, courage and dignity.”

Or, to borrow from one of her many admirers quoted above, from the beginning of her life to the end, Phyllis Gurney never did anything halfway.

Phyllis Gurney is survived by her husband John Gurney. In lieu of flowers, loved ones suggest making a donation to any of the nonprofit organizations named above, all of which were close to Phyllis’s heart.

Email Jason Walsh at jason.walsh@sonomanews.com.