Those Ancient Greeks, they knew how to put on a good show at Olympics.
Men would race against each other in full body armor. Think of the Three Stooges carrying swords with a trash can over their heads. Slapstick images abound, as well as the odd circumstance: It was the only time in those Ancient Games an athlete on foot was allowed to wear clothing.
Those Ancient Greeks (and Romans), they could bend the rules like a well-cooked strand of spaghetti.
In 67 A.D. the Emperor Nero was declared the winner in a chariot race even though he was thrown to the ground, failing to even finish the race. The judges were too petrified to rule otherwise, though a 250,000-drachma bribe assuaged their cowardice.
It is tempting to see those Ancient Olympians through the romantic prism of wild and wacky. But such a prism does not offer all the colors. Such a prism sees only enchantment, promotes The Myth and happily obscures a broader array - athletes cheating, becoming wealthy and willing to risk everything, even their health, to win.
Sound familiar? Yes, the modern Olympic athlete has much in common with the Greek Olympian of Homer. The ancient Greeks gave us not only civilization but the blueprint on how to approach athletic competition.
Just Win Baby, the Ancient Greeks said. Just Win Baby, Al Davis says now. The blueprint was not always life-affirming and could be very unforgiving. Maybe that's why it took the world the better part of two millennia to restart The Games. It took modern man that long to forget the past and create the new Olympic myth of the noble, naked Greek competing for the glory of wearing a smile and an olive wreath. The Myth now being held up to a critical examination.
"Steroids? If they had been available back then, they would have taken them in a heartbeat," said William Blake Tyrrell, a professor of classics at Michigan State University who has written a book, "The Smell of Sweat: Greek Athletics, Olympics, and Culture."
"They would do anything," he said.
The Ancients, to be sure, did not have network television to record every muscle twitch or multi-million drachma shoe deal to whip themselves into a competitive lather. But the pressure to win was no less intense. In fact, it was greater than what today's athlete faces, considering the environment and the consequences if they misstepped, much less lost.
You were flogged if you false-started a race. Try running that by, say, Michael Phelps today.
A young boy finished second in a race, the poet Pindar wrote, went home, told his mother, then was banished from the home forever. Even the Buffalo Bills, after losing a fourth consecutive Super Bowl, were allowed to return home.
"You either returned from a competition with your shield or on it," Tyrrell said. "There was no middle ground. The Ancients would have not understood the concept of personal best. They didn't understand the value in finishing second, so there was no second place."
A victor would realize heaven on earth, or at least as close to it as he might ever feel. At the Games, the winners received only that olive wreath. However, one imagines the winner throwing the wreath away the minute he left Olympia, so anticipating what he was about to receive.
"They were treated like Michael Jordan," Tyrrell said.
The word "athlete" is from an ancient Greek word than means "one who competes for a prize." The expression might as well have been extended to include "a prize that certainly was more than just a pat on the back."
"The myth of the Greeks being amateurs is just that," Tyrrell said. "They were pros. When the NBA was allowed to compete in the Olympics in 1992, that's when we stepped backward to capture the true spirit of the Olympics."
Winners would receive so much drachma, they needn't work at least for the next year. They would receive free theater tickets, meals at restaurants, lodging and, if they so desired, women. Or men, as was often the case in more libertine antiquity. In winning, the athlete honored his hometown in front of Zeus, the mightiest of the gods, and the town made sure everyone throughout Greece and all the gods knew it.
If one wanted to self-indulge, he was encouraged. Ancient Olympian Dikon financed 15 statues of himself, equal to the number of his Olympic victories. And a life-size statue in either bronze or marble could cost as much as 10 years' wages for the average worker. Yes, Dikon had that kind of Michael Jordan drachmas.
Spoiled rotten, in other words, did not begin with baseball players.
Not that the winners should have been humble. Winning an Olympic event in Ancient Greece could provide the stuff of legends. Milo, thought to be the greatest wrestler in all of the Ancient Games, supposedly had eaten a whole four-year old heifer that he had carried around town during the day. Another time Milo won a bet by drinking nine liters of wine. Apocryphal? No one thought anything told about Milo was exaggerated.
UPDATED: Please read and follow our commenting policy: