Postpartum depression led to Mendocino County mother’s suicide

A 25-year-old Mendocino County woman and mother of two young children had suffered persistent postpartum depression when she took her own life early Sunday in a sudden and uncharacteristically volatile moment, family members said.

Caitlin Ray’s boyfriend of five years and the father of her two sons, Austin Ronco, said her death was “very unexpected” given what had appeared to be recent improvement in her condition.

But he also said it reflects the challenges of postpartum depression and related disorders that are too seldom discussed openly in society.

“It’s not an easy thing to deal with,” Ronco said. “It’s not easy for the mother, or their spouse, or whatever, because you feel like you can’t do anything. You can’t necessarily make anything better, even though you’re trying to.”

Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that can affect women after childbirth, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Mothers with postpartum depression experience feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety and exhaustion.

Contrary to an earlier report, Ray and Ronco were still living together as a couple with their sons, one 7 months old and the other 2 years old, when she killed herself shortly after 3 a.m. Sunday with a handgun that had belonged to her boyfriend’s late grandfather, he said. Ronco also has a daughter from an earlier relationship.

For the past month or so, they had been living with Ronco’s parents on Eastside Road outside Willits, looking for a new house in Ukiah in a very tight market. But they were to sign a lease on a house in Ukiah this week and Ray was to start a new job, as well, so “everything was going great,” Ronco said.

But they had argued on Saturday and she left the house, later texting something that indicated she might harm herself, though it wasn’t entirely clear.

It was the first time she had ever made any such suggestion, Ronco said. He notified Ukiah police to check on her welfare if they saw her, just in case, so that she could get help if she needed it, he said.

No one knew Ray had a gun. She had sneaked it out of the gun cabinet and out of the house at some unknown point, Ronco said.

Later, around 3 a.m., Ray came back home and wanted to get the kids. Besides the late hour, there was something in her eyes that didn’t look right, Ronco said. “She was just not in her right state of mind,” he said.

He and his father wrestled the kids away and Ray struck her boyfriend a couple of times, but didn’t really hurt him. But “we knew something weird was going on” and called Mendocino County sheriff’s deputies, he said.

Ray finally left and drove about a quarter-mile down the dirt driveway to the road, where three sheriff’s deputies were just arriving and met her at the road.

As they approached her car, they saw she had a handgun and retreated, sheriff’s Capt. Greg Van Patten said Sunday.

They talked to her and tried to de-escalate the situation as she fiddled with the safety catch on the gun, but they were unable to prevent her from turning it on herself, he said.

Ronco said Ray’s life had been turbulent and included significant time in foster homes and at least two adoptions, though she had very close ties with two biological sisters and a brother.

He said underlying depression may have preceded her postpartum issues, augmented in recent months by intense anxiety.

“But I never gave up on her the whole time,” he said.

You can reach Staff Writer Mary Callahan at 707-521-5249 or mary.callahan@pressdemocrat.com. On Twitter @MaryCallahanB.